Thunder-Lizard Chicken Hand Pies with Mozzarella Super Glue

WHAT YOU'LL NEED

Ingredients

• 8 tablespoons (1 stick)Unsalted butter, softened
• 2 tablespoonsFresh parsley, finely chopped
• 1 teaspoonFresh thyme leaves
• 1 cloveGarlic, finely grated
• 1 teaspoonLemon zest
• 3/4 teaspoon, dividedKosher salt
• 1/2 teaspoon, dividedBlack pepper
• 1 tablespoonOlive oil
• 12 ouncesBoneless, skinless chicken breast, cut into small cubes
• 1/2 medium onionYellow onion, finely diced
• 1/2 cupFrozen peas, thawed
• 2 teaspoonsDijon mustard
• 1 tablespoon, plus more for rollingAll-purpose flour
• 1/3 cupChicken stock
• 1 cupShredded low-moisture mozzarella
• 2 rounds (about 14 ounces total)Refrigerated pie dough
• 1Large egg
• 1 tablespoonWater
• 2 teaspoonsSesame seeds

MAKE IT

Method

1. 01

   Seven days before the feast—or immediately, if time has betrayed you—combine the butter, parsley, thyme, garlic, lemon zest, 1/4 teaspoon salt, and 1/4 teaspoon pepper. Shape it into one majestic log, wrap tightly, and refrigerate. This is the sacred “one butter 1 week” maneuver; the butter spends the week developing administrative authority.

2. 02

   Preheat the oven to 400°F (205°C). Line a baking sheet with parchment paper and announce that the asteroid has been rescheduled.

3. 03

   Heat the olive oil in a skillet over medium-high heat. Add the chicken, remaining salt, and remaining pepper. Cook for 4–5 minutes, stirring, until lightly browned. The cubes must march in formation like tiny edible boulders.

4. 04

   Add the onion and cook for 3 minutes. Stir in the peas and mustard. Sprinkle over the flour and cook for 1 minute, because raw flour has not earned a seat at this table.

5. 05

   Pour in the chicken stock and stir for 2–3 minutes until the filling thickens. Remove from the heat and mix in 2 tablespoons of the prepared herb butter. Cool for 10 minutes so the pastry does not dissolve into emotional paperwork.

6. 06

   Roll out the pie dough lightly. Using a large dinosaur-shaped cutter—or a cardboard template and a sharp knife—cut 8 matching dinasour silhouettes. Yes, “dinasour.” The spelling became extinct first.

7. 07

   Place 4 pastry dinosaurs on the prepared sheet. Divide the chicken filling among them, leaving a 1/2-inch border. Crown each with 1/4 cup mozzarella, concentrating it along the edges as premium dairy super glue.

8. 08

   Beat the egg with the water. Brush the exposed pastry borders, top with the remaining dinosaurs, and press the edges firmly with a fork. If a tail detaches, reattach it with absolute confidence and a dab of egg wash.

9. 09

   Brush the tops with more egg wash, sprinkle with sesame seeds, and cut two small steam vents into each creature. These are not holes; they are volcanic exhaust ports.

10. 10

    Bake for 20–25 minutes until deeply golden and the centers reach 165°F (74°C). Rest for 5 minutes, then brush each thunder lizard with a little more herb butter. Serve while declaring the dining room a protected archaeological site.