Brontosaurus Garage Croque Waffles with Midnight Drip

WHAT YOU'LL NEED

Ingredients

• 4, thinly slicedScallions
• 1 1/2 cupsAll-purpose flour
• 2 teaspoonsBaking powder
• 1/2 teaspoonKosher salt
• 6, dividedLarge eggs
• 1 1/4 cupsWhole milk
• 4 tablespoons, meltedUnsalted butter
• 2 tablespoons, dividedDijon mustard
• 1 cup, shreddedSharp cheddar cheese
• 3/4 cup, finely dicedCooked ham
• 1/3 cup, drained and finely choppedDill pickles
• 3 tablespoonsBlack tahini
• 1 teaspoonUnsweetened cocoa powder
• 1 tablespoonMolasses
• 2 teaspoonsSoy sauce
• 3 tablespoonsStrong brewed coffee
• 3 tablespoonsGrape jelly
• 1 small clove, finely gratedGarlic
• 1 cupMini marshmallows
• 2 tablespoons, plus more for the waffle ironNeutral cooking oil
• 1/4 teaspoonBlack pepper
• For servingHot sauce

MAKE IT

Method

1. 01

   Spread the sliced scallions on a plate and freeze them for 15 minutes. This gives the onions the emotional resilience required for their second, much hotter life.

2. 02

   Preheat the oven to 225°F (110°C) and heat a waffle iron. Whisk the flour, baking powder, and salt in a large bowl with ridiculous authority.

3. 03

   Separate 2 eggs, placing their whites in a clean medium bowl and their yolks in another bowl. Add the milk, melted butter, and 1 tablespoon Dijon to the yolks, then whisk until smooth. Pour this into the flour mixture and stir just until no dry streaks remain. Fold in the cheddar, ham, and pickles.

4. 04

   Beat the 2 reserved egg whites to soft peaks. Fold them into the batter without crushing their ambitions. Lightly oil the waffle iron and cook the batter in batches until deeply golden and crisp, about 4–6 minutes per batch. Keep the waffles warm on a rack in the oven.

5. 05

   For the Midnight Drip, whisk black tahini, cocoa, molasses, soy sauce, coffee, and the remaining 1 tablespoon Dijon in a small saucepan. Simmer over low heat for 2–3 minutes until glossy and pourable. It should look alarmingly automotive while remaining magnificently food-based.

6. 06

   Combine the grape jelly and grated garlic in a second small saucepan. Heat over low until bubbling, then add the marshmallows. Stir for 1–2 minutes until partially melted into a sticky lavender-white lava. Remove from the heat before it welds itself to civilization.

7. 07

   Remove the scallions from the freezer and pat them thoroughly dry. Heat 1 tablespoon neutral oil in a skillet over medium-high heat. Fry the scallions for 2–3 minutes until browned and crisp at the edges. Transfer them to a plate.

8. 08

   Add the remaining 1 tablespoon oil to the skillet. Crack in the remaining 4 eggs, season with black pepper, and fry until the whites are fully set and the yolks reach your preferred doneness.

9. 09

   Cut each waffle diagonally into jagged dinosaur-back plates. Stack them on four plates, crown each with an egg, and drag the Midnight Drip across everything like a pristine crankcase spill. Add restrained boulders of grape-garlic marshmallow lava, shower with fried scallions, and deploy hot sauce. Serve immediately with the confidence of a chef catering the Cretaceous period.